Are you in love with a narcissist?
Falling in love or loving someone is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. However, falling in love with the wrong person can not only lead to heartbreak, but it can also lead to dangerous situations like physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, etc. In this article, I will be discussing how to identify if you are in love with a narcissist and your escape options.
Narcissism is a form of self-indulgence that causes a person to overlook other people’s needs. Most people tend to exhibit narcissist behavior at some point or the other. However, real narcissists have a habit of ignoring others’ feelings and needs. They also have no understanding of the effect their behavior has on other people.
Even though narcissism is a personality disorder, it is a part of a larger spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder. People who belong to narcissistic personality disorder or NPD may fall on any section of the spectrum from high to low.
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It has mostly been observed that people who have narcissistic tendencies are generally charismatic and charming. At the start of the relationship, they do not reveal their selfish behavior. Instead, they prefer to be surrounded by people who would provide a constant boost to their ego. Even though others may be showering praises is in a superficial manner, a narcissistic person takes them to reinforce his ideas about himself.
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Understanding the different types of narcissists
Therapists mostly use the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder. While the book does not specifically categorize narcissistic personality disorder into different subgroups, therapists have identified several different types of narcissists. Knowing the type of narcissist you might be facing will help you deal with them or avoid them completely next time you come across such a person.
The seven types of narcissists
The outspoken narcissist
Most often, when people loosely use the word narcissist, they refer to a person who is extremely outspoken. This type of narcissism is referred to as grandiose narcissism. These individuals are generally egotistical, aggressive, outgoing, and constantly demand attention. They can choose to be quite charming. The first giveaway to this type of personality is constantly expecting special treatment from everyone. They can also exhibit predatory behavior in observing weaknesses amongst others and exploiting those weaknesses. These people are extremely competitive and are even ready to humiliate others if that means that they will win.
The covert narcissist
These types of individuals are sometimes called covert type narcissism. These people are extremely passive-aggressive, but they maintain a façade of being helpless and weak. They most often portray themselves as victims and are very quick to start crying or staging a crisis to attract the attention of others. They are also very likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.
These types of narcissists are extremely sensitive to the other person’s facial expressions, reactions, and body language. They have a tendency to take things very personally and are overly sensitive to any and all types of criticism. They are extremely prone to feeling humiliation or shame and can be self-effacing. They do not like to be the center of others’ attention and try to aim their actions towards others.
The ignorant narcissist
Even though narcissists are most often expected to not be concerned about anyone else’s feelings, the ignorant type or oblivious type narcissists are completely devoid of any compassion and awareness of anyone else. They just do not possess emotions when it comes to others. They are arrogant, conceited, aggressive, and want to be the center of all attention at all times.
The exhibitionist narcissist
These types of narcissists need constant attention like it is a bottomless pit. In their hearts and minds, they believe that they are better than everyone else intellectually and physically. They will look down on everyone around them, even if they are their family members, friends, or loved ones. They are constantly conscious about their status, how much money they have, and all things they own. They believe that they are unique and must be admired at all times, night and day.
Sexual narcissists believe that they have a right to have their sexual needs and wants to be addressed immediately. They have an extremely self-centered view of sex and have zero regard when it comes to emotional intimacy. Thus, they are oblivious to the needs of their partner. They tend to exaggerate their bedroom abilities due to the lack of awareness of their partners. They, however, do want and demand constant praise for their performance in the bedroom. If these people are rejected sexually, they can have a negative reaction. They will resort to pressuring, deceiving, or manipulating the other person to fulfill their needs in exchange for beautiful gestures or presents.
The malignant type
These types of narcissistic personality disorder suffering individuals generally present as a cross between antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. These people are simply incapable of feeling any kind of empathy. They are also referred to as sociopaths or psychopaths in common terms. These may come across as angry, aggressive, or paranoid to the point of being degrading and sadistic. This is the worst form of narcissistic personality disorder. Thus, if you feel you are dating someone with this issue, get out as soon as you can. Such individuals will not stop at harming you physically, sexually, emotionally, and financially. They will not even blink or have an ounce of remorse about what they are doing to you.
|Are you in love with a narcissist?
Signs that you are dating or are in love with a narcissist
There is a reason why people find narcissists extremely appealing. They are not only captivating and charming, but they’re also very generous with their compliments. By the time you actually realize that the person is a narcissist, you may have already been tricked into feeling that you love that person.
This does not mean that everyone you meet or date who seems to be a bit self-absorbed is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. You must remember that narcissism is a spectrum of disorders. Even those who show symptoms of narcissism may not actually be narcissists. The narcissist is specifically a label that is used to indicate a person who is scoring well above average on the measure of narcissism.
Signs that you are in love with a narcissist
They will seem extremely charming in a big way.
Narcissists are extremely good at turning on their charm when they meet you. They will sweep you off your feet and will make you feel like you are the most precious person in the world. They will also give you expensive gifts and treat you to whatever your heart desires. However, don’t get sucked into the accolades and the expensive dinners. All of this is just a sham. This is not going to last. Once the real personality comes out, all the fairytale castles will be broken.
The behavior is specifically referred to as love bombing. However, when you are in a relationship or in love with a narcissistic person, the suffocating and expensive display has nothing to do with you. Instead, the narcissist will give you everything you want in order to gain everything he wants. It could be money, status, you, ego boost, or sex. Once the narcissistic person has claimed everything that he is looking to get from you, the so-called love will morph into indignation, control, and suppression.
Grand gestures are a part of their charm.
Narcissists are specifically driven by the need to be remembered. They will outdo themselves at any opportunity to wow other people and to be deemed the best in the group. If there is a group dinner, they will happily pick up the tab. Every instance that can boost their ego and strengthen their self-grandiose image would be taken and worked upon beautifully. However, you must be careful of the motivations behind these grand gestures.
A narcissist is in a constant process of analyzing everyone in the group. He will identify how each and every person can be manipulated so that he can preserve the inflated self-image that he has. He will do everything so that he can be complemented by others which in turn will boost the ego.
Unable to accept mistakes
This is a common problem with both psychopathic mothers and narcissistic men. There is always a right way and a wrong way of doing things. However, if a narcissistic person does something, it is always the right way, and the way that you do the task is always the wrong way. This is their default definition of right and wrong. If you even try to do what the narcissist wants you to, you will never be able to please him because your way will always be wrong for the narcissist.
The narcissist will openly chastise you or anyone else who does something that is not exactly up to the mark as per the narcissist person. The mistake that you committed was not a mistake in the eyes of the narcissist. According to the narcissist, you committed a crime and are being accused of being incompetent and ignorant.
If a narcissist is trying to accuse you, there is no point in defending yourself. They cannot analyze things from anyone else’s perspective. They also do not have the ability to admit that they can ever be wrong.
They are envious of your other relationships.
Initially, a narcissist may express his admiration for your relationships with your parents and close ones. However, this is just another façade. Soon, they will start to criticize the people who are close to you. The reason narcissist does this is to gain control over you. The narcissist is jealous of your relationship with others and wants you solely to himself. Another reason behind this is the need for a narcissistic person to be demanding. They want your entire attention to be fixed on them and not on anyone else.
Obsessed with likes
According to the latest research, people who constantly update their Facebook profile images and statuses are more likely to display narcissistic behavior. One easy way to find out if a person is headed towards becoming a narcissist or is already one is to check their Facebook profile. You will notice humble brag statements and photo postings that are done on an almost everyday basis.
This is because narcissists love spotlights. When there is a constant influx of photographs and images on Facebook, this brings the attention of others to themselves. When they receive likes and comments, they love it because it boosts their ego and affirmation of themselves. You know by now that narcissists are particularly addicted to being praised and held in high regard. Therefore, those who update their profiles in a clockwork manner are more likely to be headed towards the road of narcissism.
Most people who are on the spectrum of narcissism (contrary to the popular assumption) do not completely lack empathy. However, their empathy does not come to the surface because they are far too consumed with their own needs, wants, and desires. However, if they are expressing empathy, there is a deeper and hidden meaning to it.
The narcissistic person may seem to be utterly caring and empathetic to your needs when he wants something from you. Once they realize that they will not get what they want from you, they will turn off the empathy switch in a second. Their empathy is like a light bulb that can be switched on and off depending on their own needs and requirements.
If you are chatting with a narcissist, there is a huge chance that you won’t be able to get one word into the conversation. The signature quality of narcissists is that they tend to dominate the conversation even if the topic is not about them at all. Suppose you want to talk about yourself. But the narcissist will twist the discussion and turn and make it about themselves. They will judge you; they will tell you that you were wrong in your choices, and by the end of the night, you will feel that all choices made by you have always been wrong. You need the help of that person to be able to make good choices from now on. If you have been feeling this way for a while, you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You need to remember that everything the narcissist does is to control the other person. They simply cannot help it.
Over time you will start to notice that every discussion that happens with the narcissist tends to turn into a conversation about themselves. You may be discussing features of your new car, but a narcissistic person will change the conversation and bring it to the new sports car that the said person has recently purchased, its amazing features, and why he should be praised for purchasing such an expensive and amazing car.
This does not mean that they will have ruggedly handsome good looks. A narcissist person grooms his personality to the point that there is hardly anything that is not charismatic or attractive. The problem here is that the drive to look confident and superior stems from a need to control everyone else around them. Thus, this is not healthy. They constantly demand the attention of others and want to be praised for who they are and what they have done.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you notice that your partner changes his dress four times a day, has his hair always in the perfect hairstyle, and not one single wrinkle in his clothing, chances are you’re dating a narcissist. Not only are they cold, calculating, and manipulative, a narcissistic person seems to be born with the quality of dressing the best at all times of the day. They understand the need for effective persuasion.
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Your needs do not matter.
If you love a narcissist, you will soon realize that you have to let go of all your needs and requirements. Your needs will not take second place. They will be in the last place on his list. This is because the narcissist always values himself over everyone else. Therefore, his needs come first. His needs will always take up the majority of the list. By the time you reach your needs after completing the requirements of the narcissist, he will have more items to add to the list, and thus, your needs will never be fulfilled because you’re always fulfilling the needs of the narcissistic person.
In narcissistic person is an expert at making you feel that your requests are stupid and outlandish. The request of the narcissist is perfect and genuine. If you are feeling that you are suffocating in your relationship, your needs are not being fulfilled, and you are in a gilded cage, chances are you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person.
Immediate gratification is required.
If you are in love with a narcissist, you will soon notice that your partner is extremely self-centered and self-absorbed. They are constantly counting on you to meet their immediate requirements. If you do not return the calls or texts within a span of a minute or if you do not do things the way your partner wants you to, the reality turns ugly very quickly. Saying no is not an option when you are in love with a narcissist.
Another indicator that the person you are dating is a narcissist is how much they follow through with their words. Most narcissistic people will not follow through with what they have told you. They will easily breach prior commitments, fail to reach on time, fail to show up on a date, and will not follow through any of the agreements that have been previously made if it does not benefit the narcissist. If you confront this behavior, they will make it a point to show you that you are making a big deal out of nothing. Their life is more important than yours, their work is more important than yours, and you are itching to pick a fight when there is nothing to fight about.
Their favorite game is manipulation.
Whether it is a psychopath or a narcissist, their favorite hobby is to manipulate others. Some narcissists tend to take advantage of their partners to meet their personal gratification without providing any reciprocation. They may utilize it to achieve your goals, hide their shortcomings, boost their ego, etc.
Some common lines that you may hear from your narcissist partner are:
- I am excited to show you off to my friends so that they be jealous.
- As I stay rent-free with my girlfriend and use her car.
- I don’t want to look for a job because my girlfriend is already earning well.
Saying no is not an option
I have already talked about this point earlier. You cannot say no to a narcissist. It is simply not acceptable. One common problem with most people having such mental disorders is that they do not take denial easily from others. Such people cannot accept rejections or disappointment. You must do everything according to them. Otherwise, there will be serious repercussions. Things may become unpleasant. They may fight with you and emotionally abuse you to the point where you start to feel strangled in the relationship. They will utilize each and every method in the book to make you feel like you’re the worst person in the world.
A narcissist has serious commitment issues. This is because they are in a relationship with you only for the advantage. They do not have any feelings towards you. You are just a means to an end. They will always keep one eye open for all kinds of choices that are available to them so that they can leave you whenever they want.
It is not that a narcissistic person does not want you to be in his life. It is just that he does not want to commit because he only wants to exploit you to the fullest level possible and then dump you for another person. Thus, they will never take the risk of committing to the relationship.
Boundary violation is expected.
Narcissists understand boundaries only when it comes to them. However, in the case of others, they do not understand the meaning of personal space or boundaries. You will notice a narcissistic person making up his own rules which he would follow. However, there is a chance that they will not follow the basic rules under most circumstances.
Narcissistic people are most often seen breaching red lights, missing appointments, stealing office supplies, tricking the food delivery company into getting free food, cutting lines, etc. They don’t give a damn if their actions have a negative consequence on others or on society in general. They prefer to be indifferent to the needs of everyone around them.
The reason a narcissistic person feels superior compared to others is that their superiority stems from making others feel bad. If you are in love with a narcissistic person, you will notice that they frequently ridicule you, make fun of you, be sarcastic towards you without any kind of remorse. If you have been in a relationship for a long time and are starting to notice that you don’t believe in yourself anymore, you are losing self-confidence, you feel like you don’t deserve good things in life and any minor good thing that happens to you is a blessing in disguise, it means you are in love with the narcissistic person, and you need to get away as soon as possible.
A narcissistic person has no limits when it comes to accumulating others. They can even make insensitive comments about your heritage to humiliate or degrade you. If you notice this kind of character in your partner, you need to understand that you are dating a narcissist, and it is time to break free of this relationship.
If your partner is constantly making you feel like you cannot rely on your own sanity, you are probably experiencing gaslighting. Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse where your partner makes you feel that your perception of your memories, reality, etc. Is wrong. If you are suffering from gas lighting, you will often have difficulty believing yourself. You will feel anxious, confused, and unable to make sense of right and wrong. The purpose of gaslighting is to completely make you dependent on your partner so that he can achieve complete control over you.
Time to leave
If you are in love with the narcissist, there is only one way to save yourself. You have to leave the relationship and the person. Unfortunately, you cannot reason with the narcissist. No matter what you say or do, narcissists are experts at manipulating others. Your spouse or partner will always make you feel that you were the one who was in the wrong. Therefore, talking to your partner would be a waste of your energy and time.
The only correct decision in such circumstances is to leave the relationship entirely. If you are married, you should get a divorce. If you are worried about society, you need to understand who is the one suffering here. Is it the society that is suffering, or is it you? Unfortunately, as human beings, we are way too dependent on society. This is something that needs to change. Society is a tertiary environment. Unless your primary environment is healthy, you will not have a healthy lifestyle. Thus, do not focus on what society will think. Focus on what you need to lead a better life and to have better mental health.
Narcissistic personality disorders are a spectrum. Some people are low on the narcissist scale, while others are very high. If you are in love with a person who shows signs of being a narcissist, there is only one way to deal with the situation. You have to leave that person. Your own mental health is at stake. There is no point in reasoning with the narcissistic person because they will never understand that they have ever done anything wrong.
Everything that they do is right by their own explanation. Thus, talking or explaining to a narcissist that he is wrong is equivalent to hitting your head against the wall. Thus, leave such a relationship as soon as possible because your mental health is at stake here. Nothing is more important than you. You deserve to be happy, loved, and respected. None of these things will be available to you if you’re in love or in a relationship with a narcissist.
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Have you ever met or been in a relationship with a narcissist? How did you identify that the person has a narcissistic personality disorder? On a scale of 1 to 10 (one being lowest and ten being highest), what level would you describe the person to be in? How did you deal with such a person and get out of the relationship? Please mention your experiences in the comment section.
The reason I’m asking you to share your experiences is so that you understand that you are not alone in this world. Many people struggle with relationships due to no fault of their own but end up questioning themselves. My aim here is to show you that you are not alone in this struggle. It is possible to escape. You deserve all the love, happiness, and respect in this world, and you should not settle for anything less.
See you in my next blog post.